Motherhood Your Way

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    Mothers love. And worry. They are anxious and feel responsible. They want the best for their children but often forget that they are themselves the ones who form their child’s first environment.

    Extensive literature, online advice and parenting courses abound. What isn’t there, is extensive care for the mother herself. Most mothers in the modern world do not have hands on experience of taking care of a baby. They leave the hospital with a little stranger in their hands, and return to a home that is often away from their parental home and help.

    Research indicates that our basic lifelong personality is formed in our first 4 years of life. Our sense of security, trust in the world and self-esteem is shaped within our first year of life. Many mothers know this. How can one keep up with all this responsibility in order to “get it right”? And how can one shape a healthy happy new individual when one doesn’t get enough sleep? Or is feeling depressed? Or is overwhelmed by the sweeping tsunami of changes?

    How can one read a book on parenting when one doubts her own love for her child sometimes?
    Mothers feel alone, and believe that the mother down the road just “naturally” knows how to mother. Mothers feel fat or awkward with their bodies. Most don’t want to have sex but a good night’s sleep. Mothers feel angry, at themselves, at their babies at their partners. Mothers feel they are not good enough. Mothers believe that a crying baby might never stop, or that their life is not going to change for the better. They can’t access their old self and are afraid that day-by-day they are transformed into a woman they haven’t met. Some mothers do not feel the bond with their children or worry whether they will have enough breast milk. Mothers don’t know which “school of thought” they should follow.

    In the end mothers are mothers. And they need help during a time where they feel odd, happy one time, sad the next.

    Deconstructing Mummy can give support and guidance. Not through “what to do” but through “who you are”, “what is your own way to mother”. Each mother is different and brings her own psychological make up, history, experience, feelings, anxieties and talents. Mothers need to be helped to realise their potential not only for their children but for themselves. Prevention is key; whether it refers to postpartum depression or milder forms of not enjoying life, to being overly stressed, to not bonding properly with one’s child.

    Mothers need support in a safe environment. They need to speak out, to be heard of and make sense of themselves and their relationship to their baby.

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